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2020 has been a year filled with mixed emotions. I think it’s safe to say it’s been a very frightening roller coaster ride for the entire world. I could speak on the senseless and racist driven crimes, the countless deaths across the world due to Covid-19 and I could even talk about the bozo president but today, I want to shift the energy and conversation in a different direction.
Day by day, 2020 has been teaching us that life can drastically change overnight, literally. Anything can happen and we need to stop taking life and opportunity for granted. Let me double back on what I just said, “Anything can happen.” I was a little skeptical about sharing this but then I thought why not, maybe it’ll change someone else’s life just as it’s changing my own. Recently, I decided to leave my job. It was such a scary feeling but after hosting the Killastylez Boss Mixer, I felt like it was time to just go for it. I’ve been wanting to do this for so long but I didn’t feel like I was ready. I gave my all to a job that had very little respect for me, the creativity I brought to the job as a lead visual merchandiser and my well-being. The expectation to make the job my life was mind blowing and still is. My anxiety was constantly through the roof and I found myself putting my brand, blog and craft to the back burner. I was losing myself to a 9-5. The ironic part about that was this was the same 9-5 I blogged about a couple years ago in regards to “How to utilize a 9-5 as a creative.” I loved visual merchandising because it would challenge me to simply be creative with no limit. But then things changed. New management was terrible (all 3 of them back to back,) my creative input no longer held weight to company directive and I was given twice the amount of work because of their lack of staff. I wasn’t happy, in fact I became very depressed and overwhelmed with the drama, disrespect and inhumanity of the company. I continued to settle and even let certain things slide just for a paycheck. One manager illegally tried to change my pay just to bring his friend in for my position without reason. Can you imagine finding out you’re being demoted and HR knew nothing about it? He lost is job because of that. Another manager talked about me to multiple people in the store on a personal note and I certainly could have taken that to HR too. It was crazy. I couldn’t understand it and yet I still found myself back there for my scheduled shifts, wondering why am I here?
It was emotionally, physically and even spiritually draining. To lose yourself for a job that could replace you in a day and neglect your passion for that job was a horrible feeling. I felt weak. At that very moment I chose to choose me over them. Flew to Cali [during a pandemic] for a shoot. This didn’t end well at all due to lack of professionalism on the clients’ end but that gave me even more ammunition to REALLY Boss up and aggressively take my career to the next level. The plane ride back to New York, I was furious because of how things played out but then I realized that this was my first time to really take a risk. This was the exact moment of a rebirth of self, built on passion and faith. It was different. I was different. I returned to New York to continue to prepare for The Killastylez Boss Mixer and again, another eye opener. The turnout exceeded my expectations as well as the success of the event, not just for myself but for the vendors.
I was so inspired by all of the black owned businesses as well as all of the creatives and shoppers that came out to support. Everything really happens for a reason. If it wasn’t for the mixer, I don’t think I would’ve had this courage to never look back but to look forward to all of the things that will blossom from acting on my ideas and giving my all to my own business. Wardrobe styling and style blogging are my focus and I now choose to water my passion before anything else. If God gives you a gift, use it and share it with the world. The entrepreneur life is very new to me and I have my days where I get a little nervous about “how things may turn out” but that’s the thing. There is no routine, I’m not scheduled on “company time” and at the end of the day I have control over the outcome which will be success. Failure is not an option.
I say all of this to say that 2020 has had a lot of low moments but we have a little more than 2 months left to really change the narrative and walk into 2021 stronger than ever. Don’t ever settle. If you have an idea, set a goal and execute it. It may sound a little cliché but we can really be whatever/whoever we want to be. This year should show you that the ideal way of living, isn’t really that ideal. Businesses were shut down across the world and we were all put on pause. I found myself again during that time and am now taking the initiative to build my career. A blessing in disguise. Anything can happen so why not go for it, unapologetically.